How to Keep Yourself Safe When Divorcing Your Abuser

Nov 5

Divorce is always difficult, but when domestic violence is involved, it can become much more dangerous and emotionally draining. Leaving an abusive relationship is one of the most courageous decisions a victim can make, yet it is also one of the most challenging. The safety of you and your children becomes the top priority when divorcing an abuser. Protecting yourself legally, emotionally, and physically is essential for ensuring that you emerge from the process safely and empowered.

Domestic Violence in Divorce

Domestic violence can take many forms, including physical, emotional, psychological, financial, and even sexual abuse. It’s crucial to understand that domestic violence is not limited to physical acts of violence; it encompasses a pattern of controlling and manipulative behaviors that are designed to intimidate, isolate, and exert power over the victim.

When it comes to divorce, this dynamic can make leaving your abuser especially complicated. Often, the abuser may attempt to use the legal system to further control and manipulate the victim, making it even more essential to have a strong legal strategy and support system in place.

If you're divorcing an abusive partner, the following steps can help you prioritize your safety while navigating the legal process.

Create a Safety Plan

The first and most important step when preparing to leave an abusive relationship is to create a safety plan. A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan that includes ways to stay safe while remaining in the relationship, when preparing to leave, and after you leave.

Some key components of a safety plan include:

A Safe Place to Go: Identify a safe place where you can go if you need to leave your home quickly. This may be the home of a trusted friend or family member, or a domestic violence shelter.
Important Documents: Gather important documents, such as identification, birth certificates, social security cards, and financial information, and store them in a safe place or with someone you trust.
A Communication Plan: Establish a method of communication with trusted friends or family members so they can check in on you regularly. Make sure someone knows where you are and how to reach you.
Emergency Contacts: Keep a list of emergency contacts handy, including the police, domestic violence hotlines, and legal resources.

Seek a Restraining Order

One of the most effective legal tools for protecting yourself during a divorce involving domestic violence is obtaining a restraining order (also known as a protective order). A restraining order is a legal document issued by the court that prohibits the abuser from contacting or coming near you and, in some cases, your children.

In New Jersey, victims of domestic violence can apply for a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO), which can be granted quickly by a judge based on your testimony and evidence of the abuse. Once granted, the TRO will provide immediate protection by prohibiting the abuser from contacting you or approaching you at your home, work, or other designated locations.

After a hearing, a Final Restraining Order (FRO) can be issued if the judge determines that domestic violence occurred. This final order can provide long-term protection and may include provisions related to child custody, financial support, and the use of shared property.

Work with a Domestic Violence Lawyer

A New Jersey divorce attorney with experience in domestic violence cases is a critical asset in your journey to safely end your marriage. An experienced attorney can help you file for a restraining order, navigate the divorce process, and ensure your rights are protected throughout the legal proceedings.

Your lawyer will advocate for your best interests, particularly when it comes to securing spousal and child support, determining child custody, and ensuring that your abuser cannot use the legal system to further control or harass you.

Additionally, your lawyer can help gather evidence of the abuse—such as police reports, medical records, and witness testimony—that may be critical to your case. They can also guide you through court appearances, ensuring that you understand what to expect and how to stay safe during the process.

Document the Abuse

If you're divorcing an abusive partner, it's important to document any incidents of abuse to help support your case. This documentation can be crucial in obtaining a restraining order, securing custody of your children, and protecting your financial interests.

Some ways to document abuse include:

Keep a Journal: Write down detailed accounts of each incident of abuse, including dates, times, locations, and descriptions of what occurred.
Photographic Evidence: If safe to do so, take photos of any injuries or damage to property caused by the abuser.
Medical Records: If you've sought medical treatment for injuries caused by the abuse, request copies of your medical records as evidence.
Police Reports: If the police were called to respond to an incident of domestic violence, obtain a copy of the police report for your records.

Secure Custody and Visitation Arrangements

If you have children, protecting them from the abuser is likely your top priority. Child custody and visitation arrangements can become complicated when domestic violence is involved, as the court’s primary concern will be the safety and well-being of the children. Your lawyer can help you secure custody arrangements that protect your children from harm, which may include supervised visitation or limiting the abuser’s access to the children. Additionally, your attorney can request emergency custody if there is a risk of harm to the children.

Protect Your Financial Assets

Financial abuse is a common tactic used by abusers to exert control over their victims. This may include preventing you from accessing money, running up debts in your name, or refusing to provide financial support. When divorcing an abuser, it's important to protect your financial assets and secure your financial future.

Consider the following steps to protect your financial assets during the divorce:

Open Separate Accounts: If you don’t already have one, open a separate bank account and credit card in your own name. This will help ensure that you have financial independence and access to funds during the divorce process.
Freeze Joint Accounts: If possible, contact your bank and credit card companies to freeze any joint accounts to prevent your abuser from running up additional debt or withdrawing large sums of money.
Gather Financial Documents: Obtain copies of all financial records, including bank statements, tax returns, retirement accounts, and property deeds, to ensure you have a clear understanding of your financial situation.

Compassionate and Experienced Divorce Attorneys

At Hoffman Family Law, we understand the unique challenges that come with divorcing an abusive partner. Our compassionate and experienced attorneys are here to help you navigate the legal system and prioritize your safety and well-being. From securing restraining orders to protecting your financial assets, we’ll stand by your side every step of the way.

If you're considering a divorce due to domestic violence or need assistance with legal protections, contact Hoffman Family Law today to schedule a consultation. We’re committed to helping you break free from the cycle of abuse and build a safer, brighter future for yourself and your children.